How we can heal through listening

While it may seem unorthodox to heal past trauma by listening rather than speaking about our problems, it’s not something to be discounted.

We’re indoctrinated in one of two ways; either to be so ego-centric that the entire world knows what we eat for breakfast, lunch, and dinner along with the outfits that we’re wearing at each meal while publicly advertising what we’re feeling and why we’re feeling it, or even worse, we’re forced to repress and compartmentalize our emotions. There doesn't seem to be an equilibrium of the two. Either we’re the extreme in one way, or the extreme in the other way.

What if we took a step back to reflect on what’s lurking in the crevices of our subconscious? And then we listened to someone? Can we gain liberation? Is it something that can be categorized as a healing modality?

Personally, I was able to gain not only insight, but an immense amount of healing my past when I tried this method.

I was recently blessed with the opportunity to join a women’s moon circle. We were asked to go back to our childhood and feel whatever emotions surfaces. When I did, it was far from pleasant.

I had been physically abused as a child from my alcoholic father. The last time that I ever saw him, he was getting arrested because he was so drunk. It’s something that I’ve barely spoken about because throughout the years, I was taught to be shameful about what happened. And that humiliation has been a part of me my entire life. I never knew what to do with it, so I stored it deep within myself thinking that I was over it. But, it was just waiting in vain to come out.

Whether it was from my mother who told me to never to speak about it or from ex-boyfriends who told me that because it had happened when I was a child, I shouldn’t be talking about it, so I never did. Whatever anyone’s reasons for wanting me to shy away from acknowledging and accepting the trauma, I will never know. But, that’s not important and really, none of my business.

During this circle, we had one partner that we had to share our experiences with. After we had the chance to bring up the experiences and emotions, we were asked to choose to see something which cultivated from the past. My partner had said that she chose to see the beauty in her life and herself. In that very moment, I was finally able to find solace in what happened during my childhood. I found it to be so simplistically poignant. Here was a beautiful woman who had endured so much, yet found the strength to both persevere and find gratitude.

All the blessings that came as a result of the trauma were neglected for my entire life because I was so focused on a few sh!tty years. My stepdad who entered my life shortly after my biological father’s arrest came to be Daddy. He was my Superman and my best buddy. I would have never had that had it not been for the night that my father left my life. Him putting me on his lap when I was eight years old to teach me how to drive a car, him influencing me to read the likes of Hemingway, Fitzgerald, Poe, Capote, Dickens, O’Henry, Maupassant by the time I was eleven years old, him and I swapping the Sunday times on a weekly basis followed by Sunday football, our inside jokes, our laughs, our quality bonding time. I would have been robbed of all of those wonderful experiences had my alcoholic father remained a permanent fixture in my life. Unfortunately, my father unexpectedly passed away in July of 2018, but those wonderful memories of him and I will forever remain cherished in my heart.

And I was able to gather all of this by listening to a woman whom I had never met until that moment when she shared with me her own struggles and pain and what she saw as a result of what happened in her own life. In one moment of time, I was finally able to release and let go.

It’s so incredible what can happen to us when we’re not focused on ourselves while being trapped in our own minds, but what can happen when we just take that step back and LISTEN.

We all carry yesterday’s burdens with us so tired of the weight, yet too fearful to let go because then we would lose a sense of identity. An identity that needs to die so that we can become better improved versions of ourselves. But nonetheless, it’s still how we see ourselves. When we say f*ck the discomfort, do we truly find comfort. When we least expect it, the pain dissipates and the healing occurs. It’s in these synchronistic moments, that we have to relish in the pain we once faced. Because it gives us the ability to transcend the pain into pleasure. And when we do, we realize that we have to suffer just to realize how unnecessary suffering truly is.

The next time that you’re facing a struggle, take a step back to reflect on it. Then just stop and listen. Your answer is right there. Behind the face of someone, within the voice of someone. Sometimes that voice is in your silence.

Eva WexlerComment